The 200th post

I've forgotten what I wanted to write
I've forgotten what I angry about
I've forgotten what I sad for

But all I remembered was that I said

I will not put any symbols anymore when talking to him
I will not make any decisions so dont give me any
I will only want to help people and only having that on my mind

Trying to think so hard whats wrong
Whats make it till like that
Whats the cause between me and him
Or is only the cause came from me

The harder I tried my best to recall back
The faster those small tears gather together to form a bigger one
The one that completes and able to jump down and splash all over
All over my ipad
All over my hands
And even worse All over my pillow

Trying to recall hoping that writting this would actually help me
Without going through those conversation we had just now
My mind is a blur or it wasn't
Maybe I know what the problems of the argue or the problems of the whole conversation that I just couldn't face it
Maybe I just wanted to hide it from the facts and turn my body around and head towards the other way
The way to the deep inside my hearts where all the deep sad anger was kept

Kept from being expose again
Kept from being used from enemy
Kept from being hurted again

Negative thinking all over my mind
Darkness aura all over me
There's might be a slight brightness somewhere within me
But is so hard to chase and covered away those darkness right now

All I need right now was cry
Cry until the way I'm satisfied
Cry until I can't have another drop of tears
Cry until I felt asleep on my pillow